How to Help a Friend in Crisis: Here are some thoughts from Carry Each Other’s Burdens: A free white paper based on a study by Marilyn and Vicki.
How to Help a Friend in Crisis
We all know that friends can help us make it through difficult times. They can be “Jesus with skin on” when we are in crisis. And we can do the same for them. But, sometimes we don’t know how to help.
Having been on the receiving end of support, as well as having heard feedback from others who have been through crisis, I can tell you some of the things that are or aren’t helpful.
DO:
• DO actively listen when your friend needs to talk (no advice required – or probably wanted)
• DO be present – just show up. Your very presence can be a show of support.
• DO provide meaningful touch – a hug, a pat on the back, a touch on the hand or a back rub – can be the best way to help your friend know that he/she is not alone.
• DO pray with and for your friend.
• DO provide practical help. This can vary according to your friend’s needs. Some friends would like to be asked what would be most helpful. Some need you to just step in and provide help. (The white paper on helping a friend in crisis provides some concrete suggestions.)
DON’T:
• DON’T say “I know how you feel” If you have never been through a similar circumstance.
• DON’T offer unsolicited advice.
• DON’T avoid your friend because you don’t know what to say – your presence is more important than your words.
• DON’T assume that everyone handles crisis in the same way. Allow your friend to grieve in his or her own way.
• DON’T forget to take care of yourself. If you neglect yourself and your own family, you will both be in crisis and this can cause even greater stress. You must allow others to help your friend, too.
• DON’T get in God’s way – He has plans for your friend that go beyond anything either of you can imagine!
A true friend is one who is with you through difficult times, as well as the good. A friend that points you to God while doing so, is one of God’s greatest gifts. To be a true friend is also a blessing.
I know one “Jesus with skin on” thing that always helps me: a friend bringing me coffee.
Also, encouraging cards are treasured (but I’m a hypocrite because I am bad at sending them to others).
AND: a verbal word of encouragement is SOOO much appreciated.
A perfect example of having the help match what someone needs. Since I”m not a coffee-drinker, bringing me coffee would do nothing for me.